Tribulation: Toddler Tantrum in Sacrament Meeting

Today was hard.

I know that having a toddler and trying to make it through three (soon to be TWO!) hours of church is difficult, but today...it was just plain hard.

My Tiny Toddler

Tell wakes up every day for work at three in the morning. That's right: 3am! He  also works every Sunday. I am not complaining. At all. It's a sacrifice we, as a family, are willing to make at this point in our lives. It does mean, however, that most Sundays it's just me and an ever growing toddler that's still too young for nursery.

I love being a mom. I love being a mom. I love being a mom.

Declan goes through these weird sleep phases. He's also getting to that age where he's walking fast and talking loud which, in Sacrament Meeting, can be problematic. Today, he was screaming, running, crying, throwing toys across the aisle, basically every parents worst nightmare.

Ever since I was told that my kid was "a distraction" in Relief Society by a member of the Presidency, I've felt this anxiety with being at church with my kid. I know, logically, that not everyone hates me for the noise my kid makes. I now, logically, not everyone is glaring at me from behind, judging me and secretly hating my existence. And yet, I can't help but feel that way, especially after is was validated by at least one person. 

The sad, sad face of a cranky baby

Despite knowing that being in church for all three hours is spiritually beneficial, I just can't do it sometimes. Anyone else feel this way? I've got a screaming toddler pitching a fit, I know he's tired but he refuses to nap...what else am I supposed to do? Sit in the hallway wrestling a screaming toddler in the throws of a tantrum? 

After General Conference last week, I truly feel that this announcement that Church is moving to a 2 hour block and allowing for the focus to more in home centered gospel teaching is an answer to tear filled, stressed out, hair pulling prayer. 

In an effort to follow the counsel of the Prophet, we have already started to implement some of those things in our home. We have been reading scriptures every night, we pray together as a family every night with Declan before he goes to bed, we hold FHE on Sunday nights, we study scriptures on our own, and Tell wakes me up - yes at 3 o'clock in the morning - so we can pray together in the mornings before he leaves for work. What. A. Difference! 

Despite everything that makes going to church a struggle for me right now, I love that the Prophet has directed that we make our homes the center of our gospel experience. It helps me feel like I'm growing spiritually even when I can't make it through all three hours of church. 

Me and some night time tea 

So here's my Truth this for this week: The Prophet truly is a servant of the Lord. Heavenly Father gives revelation to His Prophet for the benefit of His entire church, even the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. In these tumultuous times, our Father in Heaven is doing nothing but looking out for us, to help us and guide us in these latter-days that we might return to live with Him again. I love this Gospel, I love our Prophet, Russel M. Nelson (FYI, I rode the elevator with him once and he is the cutest, sweetest old man ever!). I know my Heavenly Father loves me and He loves you too! 

Till we meet again, 

TaNee 

Welcome. Here's Me.

Me and my son, Declan, being cheesy

Hi, my name is TaNee (sounds like Tawny, thanks mom and dad). I am a 25 year old wife, mother, student, coach...the list goes on; I wear a lot of hats. I am also a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Don't know what that is? You're in the right place.

I've felt this constant pull toward blogging (and Vlogging, which I hope to start up later) to help spread the Gospel and influence the world around me for the better. I've had lots of experiences - tribulations, if you will - that I feel have lead me to this point in my life: being an active member of the Lord's Restored Church.

I was married in the Oakland Temple in 2015 to my one true love, Tell. We met on our mission in Southern California and married 6 months to the day after I got home #noregrets!

Tell and I at the Oakland Temple on our Sealing Day 8.8.15

I remember being SO excited to be married in the Oakland Temple. This was the temple that my parents and I were sealed in when I was 3 years old. I've always longed to return, even if just to see where my dad proposed to my mom, where we became an eternal family. But instead I got to return to be sealed to my husband for time and for all eternity.

Sister Mayall (Right) and Me, Sister Edwards (Left) 

Serving a mission was NEVER in my life plan. Because my parents were so young when they had me, I grew up with this feeling like it was just expected that I would "screw up" too. I always had it in my head that I would be married with a kid by 18, so how was I supposed to serve a mission at 21. Then the historic age drop conference happened.

I remember being at work (at the time I was an RA at a local nursing home) and my phone started blowing up with friends and family all asking the same question: When are you leaving? Since I was at work and had...literally NO idea what they were talking about, I assumed they meant leaving from work. Little did I know then how that age drop would change my life forever.

 

Me-Sis Edwards (R) and Sis Cauble (L)

At that time in my life, tribulations were more abundant that the truth. I was in a relationship that was keeping me far away from the gospel standards and I was headed down a path that was sure to lead me to my own destruction. 

I was at a fork in the road. I could continue down the path I was on and live a life less than the Lord would have liked for me. Or I could change. I could be better. 

Shortly after that historic conference, the Spirit started working on me, hard. I remember one particular moment where I was sitting in my car, I was about to start my over night shift at the nursing home and I had (much to the delight of my parents) broken up with my toxic boyfriend. I was at that moment scarfing down food before I had to go and clock in and this overwhelming feeling took me over. It was almost as if the Spirit was physically sitting in my passenger seat. In this spiritual "vision" of mine, the Spirit turned to me and said, very plainly, "You know you're needed on a mission, right?" That was it. One simple sentence turned my life upside down. 

My dad with my son, Declan. Aren't they cute?

It was weeks...and weeks!... of me wrestling with the Lord in prayer. I think I prayed more in those weeks than I had my whole life up to that point. But the answer was still the same. I was needed on a mission. I had a lot to do and long way to go before I was even close to worthy to serve, but I was needed and I needed to do something about it. 

Finally there was a morning where it was just my dad and me eating our breakfast in the kitchen. Usually we chat and banter but this morning we are both silent. Looking back, I think his daddy senses were tingling; he knew something was up. 

After the longest awkward silence of my life, I stared into my bowl of cereal and said, "Sooooo, I think I'm gonna go on a mission." 

The words had barely left my mouth before my dad slapped his hands on the counter and shouted, "FINALLY!" Somehow daddies always know. 

Yours Truly, TaNee =) 

From there, my Truths became abundant. I want to write this blog to share with you the Truths that I know, and the Tribulations I had to go through to get there. I want to spread positive vibes into the world, I want to help others to find their Truths and most of all I want to share with all of you my love for this, the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. 

This is me. These are my Truths, and this is my Testimony. 

I know Lord loves me, despite all the dumb things I've done in my life. I know that my Tribulations have brought me closer to Him. I know that through Christ's atonement all mankind may be saved. I know that the Book of Mormon truly is Another Testament of Jesus Christ. And I know that if your heart is searching, that you've come to the right place. I know that as you come closer to Him, your mind, heart and spirit will be at peace. 

Till we meet again, 

TaNee